Proof That I Have PMS
Everyone in traffic is an idiot.
Turn already, for the love of God! The speed limit is 45! WHY ARE YOU GOING 40?! Do you SEEEE the guy in front of you? Stop riding his butt! Turn. TURN!!! Get OUT of my way! What the.. OHHHH, of COURSE you're stopping for the yellow light! Of course! You're such a good little girl scout citizen aren't you? Not that ANYONE is in -- I don't know -- a HURRY!
TURRRRRN!!!!
I am fat and ugly.
Makeup? Dry and flat -- all the colors are wrong or look as if they've been glommed on with a putty knife. Every morsel I put in my mouth instantly turns to blubber, specifically in the areas of my stomach, thighs and underarms. (YAY!) Hair? Disaster.
I have a bad attitude.
You got a problem with that? What are you lookin' at, Nursey? Oh, yeah? Shut up and get out of my way. *Blinking daft moron.*
I'm crying for no reason.
[John Lennon playing on the iPod.]
That's so *sniff* profound. *Snurf-sniff* That is all we need... *hitch-breath, weep* Why don't more people get that? *Croaky singing* "All you need is LOVE! Love... Love is all you need..." *snurffle-sniff*
Men don't get this.
Thank God. Because we would kill them.
Turn already, for the love of God! The speed limit is 45! WHY ARE YOU GOING 40?! Do you SEEEE the guy in front of you? Stop riding his butt! Turn. TURN!!! Get OUT of my way! What the.. OHHHH, of COURSE you're stopping for the yellow light! Of course! You're such a good little girl scout citizen aren't you? Not that ANYONE is in -- I don't know -- a HURRY!
TURRRRRN!!!!
I am fat and ugly.
Makeup? Dry and flat -- all the colors are wrong or look as if they've been glommed on with a putty knife. Every morsel I put in my mouth instantly turns to blubber, specifically in the areas of my stomach, thighs and underarms. (YAY!) Hair? Disaster.
I have a bad attitude.
You got a problem with that? What are you lookin' at, Nursey? Oh, yeah? Shut up and get out of my way. *Blinking daft moron.*
I'm crying for no reason.
[John Lennon playing on the iPod.]
That's so *sniff* profound. *Snurf-sniff* That is all we need... *hitch-breath, weep* Why don't more people get that? *Croaky singing* "All you need is LOVE! Love... Love is all you need..." *snurffle-sniff*
Men don't get this.
Thank God. Because we would kill them.
3 Comments:
WGrrl, Once when I was *hormaniacal* I told My Beloved, who was just sitting there:
"I'm getting mad just thinking about what you're thinking about!!"
I've used it many times since. ;-)
I just wanted to say I PMS for maybe two or three days. I'm not that bad even if I feel like crap needing anger management. You forgot the breakouts, or maybe that has to do with the mucho make-up? Pregnancy, on the other hand... PMS 24/7, nine months worth (give or take a couple a wks) with major nausea and then some. I have four children and my poor husband still lives. If we ever get pregnant again, I have promised not to tell him.
T,
*hormaniacal* -- SOOOO stealing that.
Karen,
I don't think you'll HAVE to tell him, judging by your pregnancy *hormania*.
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