Lent -- A Re-examination: My First Ash Wednesday

Well, all the peanut butter in the house is gone. And more than a few of the cinnamon graham crackers. That was what I had last night after I returned home from my "last supper" of sushi and ice cream. Needless to say, skipping breakfast this morning wasn't terribly difficult.

Before I turned in, I jotted down a sort of prayer. Why am I doing this? What do I hope to accomplish? What am I concretely willing to sacrifice for the Season? Am I undertaking this only in my body or am I spiritually ready for this process?

As I mentioned before, I'm participating in Lent this year because; the church I attended growing up didn't participate, the church I first attended as an adult frowned on it, but the church I now attend practices it. And because I want to see what this process does. I know intellectually that it's something done to honor God; that I'm showing Him that I'm serious about things, etc. But God and I are pretty tight. He knows what's going with me better than I do. I however, don't always know what's up with Him.

So two primary objectives emerged; Getting to know my Master more intimately and getting to know myself and the limits of my devotion.

Okay. Deep breath. I can do that. What am I giving up Monday through Saturday?

People choose to sacrifice different things. Some are tangible, like food, some are behavioral, like watching television. Since my appetite has tended to rule me for most of my life, to both positive and negative extremes, I chose to go old school.

In the first place, my dietary restrictions tend to differ from most other people. I'm giving up things that might seem preposterous to you. And while this is not easy, per se, it's not just something like candy, for example.

For Lent I have chosen to sacrifice: junk food, alcohol (which I don't have much of anyway), meat, pork, fish, shellfish, poultry, eggs, milk, cheese, and honey. I'm going almost vegan, in other words. I don't know that I'm going to go so far as to start reading labels for trace amounts of gelatin, but you get the point.

I said goodbye to the ladies at TCBY yesterday (and got an extra bit of topping on my cookie dough and Reese's Cup Shiver for it). I had my sushi last night. I made my commitments and I prayed. I was more than a little scared this morning when I got up. But after my devotional and 2 cups of hot chai with vanilla soy milk and Splenda, I was feeling alright. Now it's almost dinner and I'm okay, even though I've had nothing but tea and diet soda all day.

But something in me still wonders if I'm doing this right, as absurd as that sounds. So many years of living (or dying) under legalism had created a sense in me that I should be living in a hole somewhere without anything, in order that I might be approved. And while I know in my heart that is untrue, I am still prone to second guessing. But then I remember Jesus. My yoke is easy and my burden light... I have come to give life in the fullest... I am with you until the end of the Age... my sheep know my voice... I lay down my life for my sheep. And I am emboldened my His love.

So, I'm going to go home and make myself some barley cooked in vegetable broth with carrots, sweet peas, diced tomato, mushroom and herbs braised in garlic olive oil. And I'll pray over it, quietly, thankful for this Season and where God is leading.