Lent -- A Re-examination: Going Vegan
I'm an old pro at the hyped-up church service.
More Sundays than not when I sang in a 100-strong gospel choir, I belted so hard my head hurt. I'd been accused in the past (rightly) of wearing my big hoop earrings on purpose so that when my head got to lolling with the groove of the bass line, I could have more "attitude." (It was fun. I'm a white girl. What do you want?!) I've been in services where people prophesied, laid hands on the sick, prayed for the gift of speaking in tongues, shouted, danced, and hollered. We prayed and sang so hard one night that the power went out! (The windstorm had nothing to do with it.) And when it did, we kept right on singing. And all the instruments that weren't electric kept right on playing. It was pretty cool. And loud. And fervent... And white knuckled... And divisive... And ascetic... And I was taught that was the proper and most effective way to experience and communicate with God.
So when I finally made the difficult decision to leave that church I had to adjust. I didn't want the screaming and foaming anymore, but it was comfortable all the same. I was afraid that I couldn't know God without it. But if I didn't know God without the screaming and foaming then I didn't know God. Quietness crept into my life. And it was unsettling. I felt guilt grasping at me with accusing fingers, pulling on my heart to the point of pain. Then I remembered Elijah:
1 Kings 19:11-14 --
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD , for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD , but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
I heard that Voice last Ash Wednesday. There was no trumpet, no fanfare; the choir entered the back of the church in total silence. Some hymns were sung and some words said, but mostly, there was silence. And when the ashes were crossed on my forehead, I was quietly instructed to "repent, and believe the Gospel." How simple. How beautiful. How effective.
The fasting on Ash Wednesday wasn't too hard. (If you read my previous post, you know why.) And so I entered the Lenten Season promising to eat as a vegan. Yes, I miss my coffee creamer, my yogurt, my ice cream, my cheese, etc. But with so many alternative products out there, it's not nearly the hardship it once was. I found some great Asian and Mediterranean inspired vegan products that taste like heaven (vegan "chicken" salad, vegan steamed dumplings, tofu dill spread, eggplant hummus, vegan "sushi", vegan scrambled "eggs"). And while most people I know don't like their food in quotes, I'm having few problems.
I've actually noticed that I'm feeling better. I know that sounds like hogwash to you committed carnivores in the crowd. In the first place, the diet is not for everyone. In the second place I'm a girl! I truly think we're wired differently. Most of the women I know are semi-vegetarian anyway. Not for ethical reasons or anything, our bodies just naturally gravitate more towards veggie foods than toward meat. We like it. It's cheap, easy, fast, tasty, fresh, light, easy on calories, good for you -- why not?! I personally have had so much energy, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm sleeping well at night, my focus is better, I don't have the 3 pm doldrums. (The gas is atrocious, but I've heard that wears off.) I've been feeling fabulous! Almost like this was not such a big deal. Until today.
Ladies, you know about once a month we need a chocolate IV drip; A pint of Ben and Jerry's; a hot and cheesy beef and lard burrito -- something! Yeah. So you feel me then.
Packed a salad this morning -- spring greens, almonds, chick peas, sliced carrots, sliced grape tomatoes, kalamata olives, herbs, lime juice. Didn't want that. WANTED solid food. But the stupid spring mix expires on the 13th. Gotta' use it! Can't WASTE food! Don't ever -- EVER -- eat spring mix past its expiration. Why? Because it tastes like the smell of a bitter lawn and leaf bag, that's why.
I live in a city that has more than one natural foods store. My regular grocery store even has a pretty hefty natural foods selection, lots of interesting produce off the beaten path, etc. BUT. The town I work in... Exhale. In the town I work in, were I to announce I was vegan, it would be tantamount to announcing I've an odd tropical disease. Everyone sort of moves away from you at the deli counter. Not the most welcoming place to find a package of Tofurky, 'kay? Not that this would help me now. I know I could go and buy a sweet potato or a banana and some natural peanut butter (Smuckers make a good one). But I don't WANT that. I want FOOD. Real food. Animal flesh. Barbecued animal flesh with sweet hot sauce, potato salad with mayonnaise, cornbread, OREO ICE CREAM!!!
But then I remember my promise. And His promise.
SO...
I'm here with the freshly cut grass that used to be lunch. And even after I picked out all the toppings I'm still hungry. Guess I'll make some hot chai and pray. Hard. Still doesn't ease my hunger or my cravings.
But He sweated and fasted in the desert for 40 days. And He sweated blood in Gethsemane so He could suffer for me some more.
I think I can wait for ice cream until Sunday.
More Sundays than not when I sang in a 100-strong gospel choir, I belted so hard my head hurt. I'd been accused in the past (rightly) of wearing my big hoop earrings on purpose so that when my head got to lolling with the groove of the bass line, I could have more "attitude." (It was fun. I'm a white girl. What do you want?!) I've been in services where people prophesied, laid hands on the sick, prayed for the gift of speaking in tongues, shouted, danced, and hollered. We prayed and sang so hard one night that the power went out! (The windstorm had nothing to do with it.) And when it did, we kept right on singing. And all the instruments that weren't electric kept right on playing. It was pretty cool. And loud. And fervent... And white knuckled... And divisive... And ascetic... And I was taught that was the proper and most effective way to experience and communicate with God.
So when I finally made the difficult decision to leave that church I had to adjust. I didn't want the screaming and foaming anymore, but it was comfortable all the same. I was afraid that I couldn't know God without it. But if I didn't know God without the screaming and foaming then I didn't know God. Quietness crept into my life. And it was unsettling. I felt guilt grasping at me with accusing fingers, pulling on my heart to the point of pain. Then I remembered Elijah:
1 Kings 19:11-14 --
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD , for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD , but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
I heard that Voice last Ash Wednesday. There was no trumpet, no fanfare; the choir entered the back of the church in total silence. Some hymns were sung and some words said, but mostly, there was silence. And when the ashes were crossed on my forehead, I was quietly instructed to "repent, and believe the Gospel." How simple. How beautiful. How effective.
The fasting on Ash Wednesday wasn't too hard. (If you read my previous post, you know why.) And so I entered the Lenten Season promising to eat as a vegan. Yes, I miss my coffee creamer, my yogurt, my ice cream, my cheese, etc. But with so many alternative products out there, it's not nearly the hardship it once was. I found some great Asian and Mediterranean inspired vegan products that taste like heaven (vegan "chicken" salad, vegan steamed dumplings, tofu dill spread, eggplant hummus, vegan "sushi", vegan scrambled "eggs"). And while most people I know don't like their food in quotes, I'm having few problems.
I've actually noticed that I'm feeling better. I know that sounds like hogwash to you committed carnivores in the crowd. In the first place, the diet is not for everyone. In the second place I'm a girl! I truly think we're wired differently. Most of the women I know are semi-vegetarian anyway. Not for ethical reasons or anything, our bodies just naturally gravitate more towards veggie foods than toward meat. We like it. It's cheap, easy, fast, tasty, fresh, light, easy on calories, good for you -- why not?! I personally have had so much energy, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm sleeping well at night, my focus is better, I don't have the 3 pm doldrums. (The gas is atrocious, but I've heard that wears off.) I've been feeling fabulous! Almost like this was not such a big deal. Until today.
Ladies, you know about once a month we need a chocolate IV drip; A pint of Ben and Jerry's; a hot and cheesy beef and lard burrito -- something! Yeah. So you feel me then.
Packed a salad this morning -- spring greens, almonds, chick peas, sliced carrots, sliced grape tomatoes, kalamata olives, herbs, lime juice. Didn't want that. WANTED solid food. But the stupid spring mix expires on the 13th. Gotta' use it! Can't WASTE food! Don't ever -- EVER -- eat spring mix past its expiration. Why? Because it tastes like the smell of a bitter lawn and leaf bag, that's why.
I live in a city that has more than one natural foods store. My regular grocery store even has a pretty hefty natural foods selection, lots of interesting produce off the beaten path, etc. BUT. The town I work in... Exhale. In the town I work in, were I to announce I was vegan, it would be tantamount to announcing I've an odd tropical disease. Everyone sort of moves away from you at the deli counter. Not the most welcoming place to find a package of Tofurky, 'kay? Not that this would help me now. I know I could go and buy a sweet potato or a banana and some natural peanut butter (Smuckers make a good one). But I don't WANT that. I want FOOD. Real food. Animal flesh. Barbecued animal flesh with sweet hot sauce, potato salad with mayonnaise, cornbread, OREO ICE CREAM!!!
But then I remember my promise. And His promise.
SO...
I'm here with the freshly cut grass that used to be lunch. And even after I picked out all the toppings I'm still hungry. Guess I'll make some hot chai and pray. Hard. Still doesn't ease my hunger or my cravings.
But He sweated and fasted in the desert for 40 days. And He sweated blood in Gethsemane so He could suffer for me some more.
I think I can wait for ice cream until Sunday.
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